Tuesday, January 12, 2010

1st post of Twenty-Ten! (I'll do better next time...)

About two weeks ago a friend of mine told me that I got off to a good start on my blog. Keep writing, he said. This is my first post since. I'm weird like that. I need to be given feedback to stay motivated and feel like I'm doing something meaningful, yet as soon as I get some praise I shut down. I don't know why. This aspect of my psyche irritates the hell out of me. But, as a human, dichotomy is part of my nature, right?

According to Sharon Jeffers, in her book Cards of Destiny (http://www.starofthemagi.com/birthday.html), I tend to thrive on discipline, something I've been lacking for sometime. I haven't felt at ease for as long as I can remember. I think, maybe a bit in vain, this is the month/semester/year I'm going to get my shit together. We'll see. 'Tis the season of broken self-made promises.

This post isn't going how I envisioned it. Shit. Then again, that's how most of my writing goes. I have so much to say that I usually end up saying nothing!

I got so much to do, so much to say
gotta find a way
to let it out, get it out
soundin' like a man without a plan
runnin' at the mouth

That rhyme's so old. I wrote it when I lived in Green Bay in '04. The notebook that contains it has been haunting me for about a year now. I just don't know what to do with it. Maybe this semester's poetry writing class will help me figure it out.

School started on Monday-- I've got a pretty full schedule. I had 18 credits, but I've whittled my load down to 16. I ditched my official obligation to the Mirror (LC's school paper) although I plan to contribute as a freelancer. I've also trimmed the Spectrum (the year-disc)from my schedule. Now I'm only taking: "The Novel" (come to find out it's LC's highest level Lit class, ENG 499--FUCK!), Poetry Writing, Advanced Fiction, Adobe In-Design (learning print layout design), Oral History (learning how to research, interview, write up, and present findings on people's pasts), and a one credit Independent Study which should help hone my profile writing ability. I hope I haven't pulled a "Ross" by taking on more than I can manage. There is just SOOOOO much to learn and experience! I'm going to need discipline more than ever this semester...

Wish me luck!

On another note I pick Rachal up from Chi-Town Thursday night! I can't wait to see her. It'll have been a month and three days. Yahowzah. I want my baby back...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Tree Hop'in in TR

4:54 A.M.--
Wasn't sure what to expect tonight. My dad's side of the family was getting together to "hop" from home to home--between each siblings pad--to check out their respective Christmas trees. Really, it was just an excuse to get everyone together and catch up.

When I was a kid we would get together on the holidays. My fam would come up from Sheboygan, and alternate between my mom's side and dad's side. Now it's a rarity to get everyone together at the same time. Well, in reality, maybe it's me who seldom comes around... My dad's family sees each other much more than I see anyone, even my parents, who live five minutes from me.

I have only excuses. I need to once again become engaged in the happenings of my family. I pangs me not to be able to recall the name of a younger cousin, or spouse of an aunt or uncle, or to not know what any given relative is up to in his or her day-to-day. I need to start living better and reconnecting with the people who helped shape who I am. My Blood and Bone. We are more alike than I've let myself admit.

Merry Christmas Fam. I'm sorry I've been away. I'm glad to be back.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Musings

I’ve been pondering this question for about a month now. What is the biggest problem in our country, and how can we fix it? Incredible. Where to start?

My musings have had me contemplating everything from, health care, bigotry, hunger, unemployment, our perpetual involvement in military conflicts, and--today--some of the ingrained presuppositions many of my country-men and -women hold.

On my drive to work, being the eve of the birth of Jesus Christ, I started thinking about Christmas. My ponderment started with the idea that this is my first Christmas, in the last six, without Rachal.

Next I got to thinking about work. How I should answer the phone today? I work in the call center of a luxury resort, and we have to be exceedingly gracious on the phone. I considered answering my calls with “Merry Christmas, and thank you for calling…” but, what if I got someone on the phone who didn’t celebrate Christmas? Not everyone in our glorious country is Christian.

Then i wondered what does it mean to be Christian? I sometimes hear about good Christian values, or a person being a good Christian. It’s often assumed if a person is Christian they are a “good” person. Some of the shadiest people I know are obnoxiously Christian, Evangelists that hide behind the sacrifice of their savior to justify their wrong doing. After all, they're only human, and thus are expected to sin, so they can steal or sleep around. Bullshit.

So, as too many Americans think, if Christian=Good=American, then Not Christian=Evil=Un-American. Also, Bullshit. I’ve actually heard someone say that Barack Obama can’t possibly be a good president, or a good American, because he’s Muslim. "Why do you think that?" I asked.

"Because, Muslim’s don’t have the same values as Americans do," was the reply I got. Are you kidding me? The few Muslims I’ve had the pleasure of meeting are some of the best Americans, rather PEOPLE, I know. So...whoever forwarded that email to my dad--burn in your Christian Hell you ignorant fuck.

I realize that not all Christian’s are bad people, and I know there are equally hypocritical followers of most, if not all, other religions (trying to avoid those absolutes... thanks Pam). Maybe it’s the idea of how presumptuous and closed minded some groups of people, who identify with a particular faith, can be that really bother me. God is unknowable. The idea of an all powerful, all knowing, all creating entity is like infinity. Our simple, ego-centric, human minds cannot possibly grasp the concept.

Why can’t we all just understand the different religions and faiths of this shrinking planet are all pointing at the same thing? They are simply different paths leading to the same destination. Not one of us will fully comprehend God until we return to her at the end of the journey. We are all on the same team, but will we ever that? Is it too much to hope for that the new era we will be entering at the end of 2012--the "end of the world as we know it"--could be one of universal peace, and enlightenment? Probably, but we all need to have faith in something.

Happy holidays from the Nine-Twenty.

Peace. MethodikalMadnz out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

One Step Closer

Tonight was one of those rare nights that start out slow, but end up blowing you away. I put off joining civilization for as long as I could: got up at noon, played vids till five, screwed around till quarter to six, and then left to meet my cousin Kevin and his family for dinner in Two Rivers.

My G-Ma joined us, and ended up fighting me for the bill. I won. But before the epic battle, my mom's eldest brother and his wife randomly showed up at the restaurant. For some reason no one invited them to sit with us though.

After dinner we took Gramma home, and proceeded to Kevin's dad's house before hitting the bars in Manitowoc and TR. The first stop was Time Out, a sports bar in Manty. Two Maker's and water's later we decided to head back to T'Rivers and hit a little, seemingly, townie bar to cap the night. I say "seemingly" because when I think of a "townie" bar I don't picture zero black guys and 50% of the songs played on the online-jukebox-thing being Tupac. I was in heaven. Not, I repeat, NOT for the racial diversity, but for the rap on the radio. Ballin'.

Anyway this is where my day gets interesting.

First, I reconnected with a guy that lived down the block from my G-Ma's house. I used to play NES with him when I was in grade school. I hadn't seen him for probably 16 or 17 years. What's the first thing I say to him? "You're Kasey right? I had the biggest crush on your sister when I was younger." I'm so good at first impressions. But would that really be a first impression?

Second, and really, the only reason I'm writing tonight, was my interaction with the bartender. It started with both of us going toe to toe with any rapper who was on the sound system--mainly Tupac, but then at the end of the night Snoop and Digital Underground. After all the selections of his patrons were played, the barkeep made a few picks of his own. I don't remember them all, but the point is he had us listening to everything from Snoop Dogg to Dispatch. A ridiculous combination of artists, and I knew, and could sing to most, if not all, of his choices.

Chad appreciated that I knew the seemingly--there's that word again-- conflicting, and very different genres and felt compelled to hand me an open book. This book, well, the page of the book that I read, hit me like a case of the shits. It was like I was reading my destiny. Which isn't too surprising since the name of the book is "Cards of Destiny." But really, all kidding aside, what I read has, if not changed my life, helped to seriously focus it. It was like the author knew me. Like she looked into my soul and translated what she observed, only to put it into the amazing book that this amazing bartender shared with me only because I could recited lyric for lyric the songs "Lodi Dodi" and "The General". I love this life.

There is so much I don't understand, and never will, but the one thing I can say for certain is without an open mind you will miss out on much. Be open to possibilities, and weird theories. Don't be too sure you know the truth, but absorb as much as you can from different sources... even if you write them off as invalid, or silly at first glance. We don't all garner the same meaning from the same things but if we are not receptive to different ideas we may miss something big. Open your Mind.

Check out this link... http://www.starofthemagi.com/birthday.html ...just find your birthday and click on the card in the corresponding box to read your "Destiny!"

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My First Post: Julia & Julia

It's 4:55 a.m. I just finished watching Julia & Julia. Alone. I wasn't really alone. Roxy, my girlfriend's cat, was curled up between my feet. Earlier to/last-night (when does it become the next day if you haven't slept?) I went to a rap show in Plymouth. What an odd series of events. If you don't understand why these were an odd series of events, look into what Julia & Julia is about. Yeah... WTF?

Rachal, my girlfriend (for those of you who don't know her), is currently studying in Costa Rica until January 14th. I miss her. More than I thought I would. It's strange not having her in bed when I get there. No kisses good night, or good morning. No hugs. No calls from her to bust up my shifts at work. No texts...

Not really sure how to blog. I've never been into blogging, reading them or writing them. I hope I'm doing it right. Not really sure what I'm looking to get out of this. They say this is where journalism is going. I don't know if I want to be a journalist or not, but I want to be a writer. There are times that I feel like one, and times that I think I'm fooling myself and everyone around me. Okay, I've felt like a writer once--I think I was revising, or thinking about revising something--and most of the rest of the time I feel like an impostor. But I'm writing this so I must be a writer. Right?

I feel like this is in danger of becoming a blog, so I'm going to stop now. I don't want to seem like I'm self-absorbed... Julia's husband, from Julia & Julia said bloggers are self-absorbed--amongst other adjectives. I don't think I'm self-absorbed, I'm just trying to figure some shit out here. Then again who isn't self-absorbed?

MethodikalMadnz, singing off~5:23 a.m.

Buenas Noches.